Cool Jokes Collection

संता की बीबी प्रीतो एक दुकान पर पहुंची जहां परिंदे बेचे जाते थे। एक तोते के पिंजरे के आगे कीमत लिखी थी - मात्र 50 रु. ।

प्रीतो ने दुकानदार से पूछा - इसकी कीमत इतनी कम क्यों है जबकि तुम्हारी दुकान पर दूसरा कोई भी तोता 500 रु. से कम का नहीं है।

- दरअसल इस तोते का बोलचाल ठीक नहीं है। यहां आने के पहले यह एक वैश्या के घर में था। इसलिए कभी-कभी अश्लील बातें और भद्दी गालियां बकने लगता है। आप कोई दूसरा तोता ले जाइये, यह आपके घर के लायक नहीं है।

प्रीतो ने दो मिनट सोचा फिर बोली - चलेगा। मैं इसे अपने घर के लायक बना लूंगी। आप तो यही तोता दे दीजिए।

घर लाकर उसने तोते का पिंजरा अपने बेडरूम में टांग दिया और उसके कुछ बोलने का इंतजार करने लगी।

तोते ने शांतिपूर्वक इधर-उधर का मुआयना किया फिर बोला - वाह ! नया घर और नई औरत ! क्या बात है !

- ये तो कोई गाली नहीं है। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

थोड़ी देर बाद उसकी दोनों बेटियां कॉलेज से वापस आ गईं ।

उन्हें देखते ही तोता बोला - दो-दो नई लड़कियां ! क्या किस्मत है बाप !

- इसमें भी ऐसी कोई बुरी बात नहीं बोली है उसने। दुकानदार खांमखा डरा रहा था। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

शाम को प्रीतो का पति संता घर आया । उसे देखते ही तोता चहक कर बोला - ओए संता ! तू यहां कैसे यार ?

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

There was once a little boy who got very good grades, straight A's on every subject on every report card. His name was Billy. His father was very proud of him, and decided to give him one thing every year, whatever he wanted. The little boy, for one odd reason or another, chose a pink golf ball, each and every year. So finally, when the boy was sixteen, the dad got fed up with it and bought him a car. The son was fine with this, and took it on a joyride down to his favorite restaurant. He didn't want to drivethrough and he couldn't find a parking spot, but finally he found a spot on the other side of the street. He walked across happily, and halfway across, was hit by a truck. On his deathbed, the wounds were fatal, he was asked by his father: "What did you do with the pink golf balls?" The son replied: "Well I ---" With that he died.

The moral is that you should look both ways before crossing the street.

Are You Eating Genetically Modified Food?

Yes if you can use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your kid’s room.

When you check the label and it says that your buffalo chicken wings are made from REAL flying bison…oops! Genetically Modified!!

If an apple a day causes leukemia it’s been genetically modified.

Your family of seven, buys one turkey yet everyone gets a drumstick. That bird is genetically modified.

Are your Ginsu knives afraid of the tomatoes? Then surely the tomatoes have been genetically modified.

The grocery is now selling Cochin. It looks like zucchini, but tastes like a Ding-Dong — that’s definitely a genetically modified food!!

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “
Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” …Mark - age 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “
You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” …Jessica - age 8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest that he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”