गुदगुदी

मरीज (डाक्टर से) - ऐसी बीमारी को सहने से अच्छा तो मर जाना अच्छा है।
डाक्टर (मरीज से) - हम कोशिश तो कर रहे हैं।

बच्चा (पिता से) - एक मूछों वाला आदमी बाहर खड़ा है।
पिता (बच्चे से) - उसे कह दो हमें मूछों की जरूरत नहीं है, हमारी मूछें हैं।

जज (चोर से) - मालिक के होते हुए आपने चोरी कैसे की?
चोर (जज से) - हुजूर! आप सीखकर क्या करेंगे?

संता (बंता से) - मैं चाहता हूं कि मेरी पत्नी बुद्धिमान हो, सुंदर हो और मीठी बोलने वाली हो।
बंता (संता से) - लेकिन इतनी मंहगाई में तुम तीन पत्नियों का खर्च कैसे बर्दाश्त करोगे?

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Question And Answer

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog? A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portugese/Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 90 Minutes and still come second!

Q: What is common between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.

Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead English football fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle. B. Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their Heads and arses are interchangeable."

Q. What do you have when 100 English football fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Unka Waada Hai Ki Vo laut Ayenge

Pucho na us kagaj se,jis pe hum dil ke bayan likhte hai,Tanhayino me beeti baate tamam likhte hai,Wo Kalam bhi dewani ho gayi,jis se hum AAP ka Naam likhte hai.

Apne haathon se yun chehre ko chupate kyun ho, mujh se sharmate ho toh yun samne aate kyun ho, Tum kabhi meri tarah kar bhi lo ikraar-e-vafa, pyaar karte ho toh phir pyaar chupate kyun ho

Humein unki ebadat se fursat nahi milti ,log na jane kisko khuda kehte hain ,dil mein rakha hai unko,log na jane kyon juda kehte hain.

Unka waada hai ki vo laut ayenge,issi umeed par hum jiye jayenge,yeh intezaar bhi unhi ki tarah pyaara hai,kar rahe the, kar rahe hai or kiye jayenge.

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ओए तू यहां कैसे ????????

संता की बीबी प्रीतो एक दुकान पर पहुंची जहां परिंदे बेचे जाते थे। एक तोते के पिंजरे के आगे कीमत लिखी थी - मात्र 50 रु. ।

प्रीतो ने दुकानदार से पूछा - इसकी कीमत इतनी कम क्यों है जबकि तुम्हारी दुकान पर दूसरा कोई भी तोता 500 रु. से कम का नहीं है।

- दरअसल इस तोते का बोलचाल ठीक नहीं है। यहां आने के पहले यह एक वैश्या के घर में था। इसलिए कभी-कभी अश्लील बातें और भद्दी गालियां बकने लगता है। आप कोई दूसरा तोता ले जाइये, यह आपके घर के लायक नहीं है।

प्रीतो ने दो मिनट सोचा फिर बोली - चलेगा। मैं इसे अपने घर के लायक बना लूंगी। आप तो यही तोता दे दीजिए।

घर लाकर उसने तोते का पिंजरा अपने बेडरूम में टांग दिया और उसके कुछ बोलने का इंतजार करने लगी।

तोते ने शांतिपूर्वक इधर-उधर का मुआयना किया फिर बोला - वाह ! नया घर और नई औरत ! क्या बात है !

- ये तो कोई गाली नहीं है। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

थोड़ी देर बाद उसकी दोनों बेटियां कॉलेज से वापस आ गईं ।

उन्हें देखते ही तोता बोला - दो-दो नई लड़कियां ! क्या किस्मत है बाप !

- इसमें भी ऐसी कोई बुरी बात नहीं बोली है उसने। दुकानदार खांमखा डरा रहा था। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

शाम को प्रीतो का पति संता घर आया । उसे देखते ही तोता चहक कर बोला - ओए संता ! तू यहां कैसे यार ?

True Love

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

My New Search about Movie

I found this site on digg.com the other day and I found myself to be using it every single day since than. It's a kind of online TV website and it has all sorts of great online TV channels. I find it very useful when I am bored at work (hope my boss does not block the site )

I also like the free movies part, they have a nice collection of free movies you can watch online for free!

Little Billy

There was once a little boy who got very good grades, straight A's on every subject on every report card. His name was Billy. His father was very proud of him, and decided to give him one thing every year, whatever he wanted. The little boy, for one odd reason or another, chose a pink golf ball, each and every year. So finally, when the boy was sixteen, the dad got fed up with it and bought him a car. The son was fine with this, and took it on a joyride down to his favorite restaurant. He didn't want to drivethrough and he couldn't find a parking spot, but finally he found a spot on the other side of the street. He walked across happily, and halfway across, was hit by a truck. On his deathbed, the wounds were fatal, he was asked by his father: "What did you do with the pink golf balls?" The son replied: "Well I ---" With that he died.

The moral is that you should look both ways before crossing the street.