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PostHeaderIcon Christmas Gift!

The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap.

doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him,

he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"
"Something for my mother, please." said the young lady. "Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?" Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"

PostHeaderIcon Spinster Sister

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open-heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he would like to pay for his treatment.

She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Well, then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

PostHeaderIcon Dog vs Ferrari

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field about 10 miles from his farm. To get there he must drive his tractor, and his dog old Joe trots along beside him.

Halfway through the plowing, the tractor runs out of fuel. He wanders out to the road and flags down a ride, which just happens to be a Ferrari.

The driver says, "You can have a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."

The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."

The driver figures he'll show the farmer just what his car can do and lets it rip. Just as he is going into 5th gear, he looks out the window and sure enough Old Joe is right beside him. He can't wait to have a look at the amazing dog, so he slams on the brakes, and the car stops rather abruptly.

The driver jumps out exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! But what kind of collar is that he's wearing?"

The farmer shook his head and said, "That's not a collar. That's his asshole. He's not used to stopping that fast.


Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."

PostHeaderIcon Snake Bite

Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.

"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.

"He says you're gonna die."

PostHeaderIcon Joke with Work

A very loud Texan Engineer was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large civil works in the USA that he was involved in. To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of some of Sydneys larger constructions.

First he took him to Gladesville Bridge. The Texan exclaimed, "What’s that!” In reply the Australian said, "Thats the Gladesville Bridge".
"Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 5 years with 1000 men."
The Texan replied, "Well in Texas we would've done it in 2 years with 500 men."
Next they went to the Sydney Opera House. "What's that" said the Texan. "That's the Sydney Opera House" came the reply.

"Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 10 years with 200 men". The Texan replied "Well in Texas we would've done it in 4 years with 200 men."
By this stage the Australian was a little put out by the Texan's attitude so he decided to get some revenge, they walked around the Sydney Opera House and as they did the Sydney Harbour Bridge came into view.

Immediately the Texan exclaimed, "Wow! What's that?"
The Australian Engineer replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

PostHeaderIcon Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

PostHeaderIcon Is Windows a Virus

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

PostHeaderIcon प्रोफेशनल

एक डॉक्टर साहब एक पार्टी में गए । अपने बीच शहर के एक प्रतिष्ठित डॉक्टर को पाकर लोगों ने उन्हें घेर लिया। किसी को जुकाम था तो किसी के पेट में गैस। सभी मुफ्त की राय लेने के चक्कर में थे। शिष्टाचारवश डॉक्टर साहब किसी को मना नहीं कर पा रहे थे।

उसी पार्टी में शहर के एक नामी वकील भी आए हुए थे। मौका मिलते ही डॉक्टर साहब वकील साहब के पास पहुंचे और उन्हें एक ओर ले जाकर बोले - यार ! मैं तो परेशान हो गया हूं। सभी फ्री में इलाज कराने के चक्कर में हैं। तुम्हें भी ऐसे लोग मिलते हैं क्या ?

वकील साहब - बहुत मिलते हैं ।

डॉक्टर साहब - तो फिर उनसे कैसे निपटते हो ?

वकील साहब - बिलकुल सीधा तरीका है । मैं उन्हें सलाह देता हूं जैसा कि वो चाहते हैं। बाद में उनके घर बिल भिजवा देता हूं।

यह बात डॉक्टर साहब को कुछ जम गई । अगले रोज उन्होंने भी पार्टी में मिले कुछ लोगों के नाम बिल बनाए और उन्हें भिजवाने ही वाले थे कि तभी उनका नौकर अन्दर आया और बोला - साहब, कोई आपसे मिलना चाहता है ।

डॉक्टर साहब - कौन है ?

नौकर - वकील साहब का चपरासी है । कहता है कल रात पार्टी में आपने वकील साहब से जो राय ली थी उसका बिल लाया है .......

PostHeaderIcon Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

PostHeaderIcon Advantages Of Being A Woman

Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

PostHeaderIcon How Long?????

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes, knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn`t home.
" Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
" She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don`t really know," he said. "She`s been there eleven years now."

PostHeaderIcon Shave The Beard

A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"

"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

PostHeaderIcon Amazing Jokes

Ladies toilet:-

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy."Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that" she says "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".

PostHeaderIcon Some Funny Jokes

1:- A woman went to the mall to buy Valentine’s Day cards for her son and father.
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded her.
She muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have anything for ex-husbands."
The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes maim, they do, but they’re in Sporting Goods."
"Really?" exclaimed the woman.
"Yes maim. They’re called darts."

2:- A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"
"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

3:- A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

4:- A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by the husband's snoring decided to bring a needle and poke him when he nods off.

The next week the husband as always fell asleep. When the preacher asked "Who created the earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th". The wife stuck her husband and he jumped up and exclaimed "Oh my God!". The preacher said " That's correct". The husby soon fell asleep again. Then the preacher asked "And who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?". The wife stuck her husband again when he jumped up and said "Jesus Christ!". The preacher said "Right again".

With this the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye on his wife when the preacher said "What did Mary say to Joseph after Jesus was born?". The wife started to poke her husband again, but before she could the husband jumped and exclaimed "If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half!"

PostHeaderIcon rich man and God

There once was a rich man who was dying. While on his death bed, he tried to negotiate with God to have God allow him to bring his earthly treasures with him to heaven.

"God, please, I have worked so hard to accumulate all these riches. Can't I bring them along?"

"This is very unusual," said God, "but since you have been such a faithful steward, I will allow you to bring one suitcase." The man immediately had a servant fill a large suitcase with gold bricks.

Shortly thereafter, he died. When he arrived at the pearly gates, he was stopped by St. Peter. "I'm sorry sir, but you know the rule -- 'you can't take it with you.' You may enter, but the suitcase has to stay outside."

"But God told me I could bring one suitcase," the man protested.

"Well, if God says it's okay -- but I still need to examine the contents before you enter."

St. Peter took the suitcase from the man, opened it, and, looking very puzzled, said to the man, "You brought pavement?"

PostHeaderIcon A Young Lady Pragnent

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
"Well thank fuck for that !"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"

PostHeaderIcon गुदगुदी

मरीज (डाक्टर से) - ऐसी बीमारी को सहने से अच्छा तो मर जाना अच्छा है।
डाक्टर (मरीज से) - हम कोशिश तो कर रहे हैं।

बच्चा (पिता से) - एक मूछों वाला आदमी बाहर खड़ा है।
पिता (बच्चे से) - उसे कह दो हमें मूछों की जरूरत नहीं है, हमारी मूछें हैं।

जज (चोर से) - मालिक के होते हुए आपने चोरी कैसे की?
चोर (जज से) - हुजूर! आप सीखकर क्या करेंगे?

संता (बंता से) - मैं चाहता हूं कि मेरी पत्नी बुद्धिमान हो, सुंदर हो और मीठी बोलने वाली हो।
बंता (संता से) - लेकिन इतनी मंहगाई में तुम तीन पत्नियों का खर्च कैसे बर्दाश्त करोगे?

एक बार एक आदमी शंकर भगवान की तपस्या की
और शंकर भगवान प्रशन हो गए और बोले कोई बरदान माग ले
उस इन्शान ने बोला मेरे को गिटार दे दो प्रभु
शंकर भगवान बोले कुछ और मांग लो मई गिटार नही दे सकता
उस बय्क्ति ने बोला क्यूँ ?शंकर भगवान बोले !
अगर मेरे पास गिटार होता तो मई डमरू क्यूँ बजता

PostHeaderIcon Question And Answer

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog? A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portugese/Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 90 Minutes and still come second!

Q: What is common between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.

Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead English football fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle. B. Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their Heads and arses are interchangeable."

Q. What do you have when 100 English football fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

PostHeaderIcon Unka Waada Hai Ki Vo laut Ayenge

Pucho na us kagaj se,jis pe hum dil ke bayan likhte hai,Tanhayino me beeti baate tamam likhte hai,Wo Kalam bhi dewani ho gayi,jis se hum AAP ka Naam likhte hai.

Apne haathon se yun chehre ko chupate kyun ho, mujh se sharmate ho toh yun samne aate kyun ho, Tum kabhi meri tarah kar bhi lo ikraar-e-vafa, pyaar karte ho toh phir pyaar chupate kyun ho

Humein unki ebadat se fursat nahi milti ,log na jane kisko khuda kehte hain ,dil mein rakha hai unko,log na jane kyon juda kehte hain.

Unka waada hai ki vo laut ayenge,issi umeed par hum jiye jayenge,yeh intezaar bhi unhi ki tarah pyaara hai,kar rahe the, kar rahe hai or kiye jayenge.

PostHeaderIcon ओए तू यहां कैसे ????????

संता की बीबी प्रीतो एक दुकान पर पहुंची जहां परिंदे बेचे जाते थे। एक तोते के पिंजरे के आगे कीमत लिखी थी - मात्र 50 रु. ।

प्रीतो ने दुकानदार से पूछा - इसकी कीमत इतनी कम क्यों है जबकि तुम्हारी दुकान पर दूसरा कोई भी तोता 500 रु. से कम का नहीं है।

- दरअसल इस तोते का बोलचाल ठीक नहीं है। यहां आने के पहले यह एक वैश्या के घर में था। इसलिए कभी-कभी अश्लील बातें और भद्दी गालियां बकने लगता है। आप कोई दूसरा तोता ले जाइये, यह आपके घर के लायक नहीं है।

प्रीतो ने दो मिनट सोचा फिर बोली - चलेगा। मैं इसे अपने घर के लायक बना लूंगी। आप तो यही तोता दे दीजिए।

घर लाकर उसने तोते का पिंजरा अपने बेडरूम में टांग दिया और उसके कुछ बोलने का इंतजार करने लगी।

तोते ने शांतिपूर्वक इधर-उधर का मुआयना किया फिर बोला - वाह ! नया घर और नई औरत ! क्या बात है !

- ये तो कोई गाली नहीं है। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

थोड़ी देर बाद उसकी दोनों बेटियां कॉलेज से वापस आ गईं ।

उन्हें देखते ही तोता बोला - दो-दो नई लड़कियां ! क्या किस्मत है बाप !

- इसमें भी ऐसी कोई बुरी बात नहीं बोली है उसने। दुकानदार खांमखा डरा रहा था। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

शाम को प्रीतो का पति संता घर आया । उसे देखते ही तोता चहक कर बोला - ओए संता ! तू यहां कैसे यार ?

PostHeaderIcon True Love

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

PostHeaderIcon Little Billy

There was once a little boy who got very good grades, straight A's on every subject on every report card. His name was Billy. His father was very proud of him, and decided to give him one thing every year, whatever he wanted. The little boy, for one odd reason or another, chose a pink golf ball, each and every year. So finally, when the boy was sixteen, the dad got fed up with it and bought him a car. The son was fine with this, and took it on a joyride down to his favorite restaurant. He didn't want to drivethrough and he couldn't find a parking spot, but finally he found a spot on the other side of the street. He walked across happily, and halfway across, was hit by a truck. On his deathbed, the wounds were fatal, he was asked by his father: "What did you do with the pink golf balls?" The son replied: "Well I ---" With that he died.

The moral is that you should look both ways before crossing the street.

PostHeaderIcon Funny Jokes

Are You Eating Genetically Modified Food?

Yes if you can use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your kid’s room.

When you check the label and it says that your buffalo chicken wings are made from REAL flying bison…oops! Genetically Modified!!

If an apple a day causes leukemia it’s been genetically modified.

Your family of seven, buys one turkey yet everyone gets a drumstick. That bird is genetically modified.

Are your Ginsu knives afraid of the tomatoes? Then surely the tomatoes have been genetically modified.

The grocery is now selling Cochin. It looks like zucchini, but tastes like a Ding-Dong — that’s definitely a genetically modified food!!

PostHeaderIcon Humor and Funny Jokes

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “
Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” …Mark - age 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “
You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” …Jessica - age 8
And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest that he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

PostHeaderIcon Salary Theorem

Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Knowledge = Power
Time = Money
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

PostHeaderIcon आज कल के ताजा समाचार

कानू - नानू
नानू - हाँ गुरु जी
कानू - आज का कोई ताज़ा समाचार सुनाओ
नानू - आज का ताज़ा समाचार मल्टीमीडिया से सीधा प्रसारण हुआ है जो इस प्रकार है.
कानू -सुनाते जाओ मैं सुन रहा हूँ.
नानू - डायनासोर और गधों मे लड़ाई हो गया.
कानू - तो फिर क्या हुआ ?
नानू - गधों की हार होने लगी और संख्या कम होने लगी तो गधों ने सोचा की क्यों न हम लोग समझौता कर लें. लेकिन डायनासोर ने एक शर्त रखी .
कानू - वो क्या ?
नानू - उनके शर्त के अनुसार गधों को डायनासोरसे शादी करना पड़ेगा .
कानू - तो फिर क्या हुआ ?
नानू -शादी हो गई . कुछ दिनों के बाद उनके बच्चे हुए लेकिन वो गधे थे .
कानू - वो कैसे ?
नानू - गुरू जी गधे नर और डायनासोर मादा थे .
कानू - नानू लेकिन ये बात समझ मे नही आती की बीदेश वाले जो फिल्म बनाते हैं उसमे डायनासोर के अंडे कहाँ से लाते हैं ?
नानू - दुनीया समझ गई लेकिन आपको अक्ल नही आएगी .
कानू - तो बता ना
नानू - अरे गुरू जी वो अंडे डायनासोर के नही बल्की गधों के होते हैं . जिनको फोटोग्राफी से बड़ा कर दिया जाता है.
कानू -वाह ..वाह........... एक दिन तुम जरूर अपने गुरु का नाम रोशन करोगे .

PostHeaderIcon My Dad Scribbles

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And, it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

PostHeaderIcon तुम्हारे प्यार में हमने बहूत चोट खाए |

तुम्हारे प्यार में हमने बहूत चोट खाए ,
जिसका हिसाब न होसके उतने दर्द पाए ,
फिर भी तेरे प्यार की कसम खाके कहता हूँ ,
हमारे लब पे तुम्हारे लिए सिर्फ़ प्यार आए ...

तुम्हारे ग़ज़ल दिल के बहुत ही पास हैं
हर दिल कह रहा है ये मेरा अहसास है
दो लफ्ज़ मैं कह दूँ इस गीत की कहानी
प्यार ही ज़मीन है प्यार हीं आकाश है

PostHeaderIcon बड़ी फेमिली प्रोब्लम

दो व्यक्ति एक बार में बैठे थे ......
एक ने कहा ...." यार.... बहुत फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है "..
दुसरा व्यक्ति : तु पहले मेरी सुन........ मैंने एक विधवा महिला से शादी की जिसके एक लड़की थी ... कुछ दिनों बाद पता चला कि मेरे पिताजी को उस विधवा महिला कि पुत्री से प्यार है ....और उन्होने इस तरह मेरी ही लड़की से शादी कर ली ... अब मेरे पिताजी मेरे दामाद बन गए और मेरी बेटी मेरी माँ बन गयी....और मेरी ही पत्नी मेरी मेरी नानी हो गयी !! ज्यादा प्रॉब्लम तब हुई जब जब मेरे लड़का हुआ ..अब मेरा लड़का मेरी माँ का भाई हो गया तो इस तरह मेरा मामा हो गया ....... परिस्थिति तो तब ख़राब हुई जब मेरे पिताजी को लड़का हुआ ....मेरे पिताजी का लड़का यानी मेरा भाई मेरा ही नवासा हो गया और इस तरह मैं स्वयम का ही दादा हो गया और स्वयम का ही पोता बन गया और तू कहता है कि तुज्हे फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है ", समझ में आया क्या ? मुझे तो नही आया !

PostHeaderIcon ये प्यार नही खील्वाड है

अगर हम बात प्यार की करते हीं तो एक बात बताना जरुरी हो गया है की आज के ज़माने प्यार शब्द खत्म हो के GF और BF पे आ गयी है.ये दूरियां मीताने के बजाये स्टेटस दीखाने का साधन हो गया है.अगर कोई लडकी को एक सुंदर धनी लड़का BF है तो वो लड़की अपने आप को एंजेलीना समझेगी और अगर कोई लड़के को एक खूबसूरत और और स्टाइलिश लडकी gf है तो वो अपने आप को टॉम क्रूज सम्झेगा ये हीन प्यार है आज का.केवल तन और धन से मन से प्यार गायब हो गया है.
ये प्यार प्यार कहने वाले ऐसे प्यार कर के दिखा देंगे क्या की मई भी कह दूँ हाँ अभी भी प्यार करने वाले जींदा हैं

PostHeaderIcon बहुत बदला है स्त्रियों का नजरिया

प्यार हमें जीवन जीने का एक मकसद देता है। एक स्त्री के जीवन में भी प्यार बहुत मायने रखता है। प्यार में इतनी ताकत होती है कि वह हिंसक प्रवृत्ति वाले व्यक्ति को भी समझदार इंसान बना देता है। आज के दौर में प्यार के प्रति स्त्रियों का नजरिया वाकई बदल गया है। यह बदलाव जरूरी है ताकि किसी स्त्री को प्यार के नाम पर जीवन भर विश्वासघात सहना न पडे। आज स्त्री दूसरों को मौका नहीं देती कि वे उसके प्यार का अफसाना बनाएं। जो स्त्री पहले अपने प्यार को मन में दबाए और छिपाए अपना पूरा जीवन गुजार देती थी, वही आज पूरी तरह बदल गई है। आज काफी हद तक स्त्री अपने प्रेम का इजहार आसानी से कर लेती है। मैं भी किसी से प्रेम करती हूं। मैं अपने साथी से कोई विशेष अपेक्षाएं नहीं रखती लेकिन मेरे लिए ईमानदार और अच्छे चरित्र वाला पुरुष होना बहुत जरूरी है। इसलिए मैं उससे यही अपेक्षा रखती हूं कि वह जीवन भर मेरे साथ अपने रिश्ते के प्रति ईमानदार रहे। मुझे धैर्यवान, आकर्षक विनम्र पुरुष पसंद हैं और मैं खुशनसीब हूं कि मेरे प्रेमी में वो सारी खूबियां हैं।

जब आप किसी से प्रेम करते हैं तो उसके बारे में इतना तो जानते ही हैं कि वह स्वभाव से कैसा, देखने में कैसा और कितना केयरिंग है, स्त्रियों के प्रति उसका क्या नजरिया है और वह दूसरों का कितना सम्मान करता है। फिर कोई व्यक्ति जो इस दुनिया में आया है वह परफेक्ट नहीं होता है। अगर होता है तो यह समझिए कि वह इंसान नहीं भगवान है। इसलिए हर किसी में कुछ न कुछ कमियां तो होती ही हैं। मुझमें भी हैं। जब मेरे पार्टनर ने मुझे मेरी बुराइयों-अच्छाइयों के साथ स्वीकारा है तो मैं भी उसकी कमियों को नजरअंदाज करती हूं। ऐसा नहीं है कि एडजेस्टमेंट सिर्फ स्त्री ही करती है, पुरुष भी करता है। यह एक स्त्री की खूबी होगी कि वह अपने जीवनसाथी की बुराइयों को अच्छाइयों में बदल दे। एक स्त्री के लिए आत्मसम्मान उसके जीवन भर की पूंजी है। अगर वही खत्म हो गई तो उसके जीवन में बचेगा क्या? लेकिन यहां मैं यह भी मानती हूं कि मुझसे सच्चा प्यार करने वाला व्यक्ति कभी भी मेरे आत्मसम्मान को ठेस नहीं पहुंचा सकता। प्यार में कभी दिल मेरा भी दिल टूटा है, लेकिन मैंने कभी ऐसा नहीं सोचा कि अब उसके बिना मेरा जीवन बेकार हो गया। एक समझदार स्त्री संबंध खत्म होने के बाद खुद को संभाल सकती है। वह कभी यह नहीं सोचेगी कि उसका जीवन ही खत्म हो गया। जब दूसरा दिल तोडकर चला गया तो उसकी याद में वह अपनी जिंदगी़ क्यों तबाह करे? बल्कि उससे सबक लेकर नए सिरे से जीवन शुरू करना चाहिए। यही तो जीवन के अनुभव हैं। जब ठेस लगती है तभी तो व्यक्ति आगे संभल कर कदम रखता है। प्यार नहीं तो क्या हुआ और रिश्ते भी तो होते हैं। इंसान को हर हाल में खुश रहना चाहिए।

PostHeaderIcon intezaar karna padega aapka

Is kadar intezaar karna padega aapka,
pata na tha
Is kadar bekarar hona padega,
pata na tha
Is kadar yaad aayegi aapki,
pata na tha
kyon guzarata hai sara din aapki yaad mey
pata hai aapko ?
kyon bekrar ho jaata hun mai bin tumhare
pata hai aapko ?
Kyon yaad aati hai aapki har pal
pata hai aapko ?
Ye dooriya ab sahi jaati nahi
chale aao, chale aao
chale aao, chale aao..................

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PostHeaderIcon दोस्ती नाम नहीं सिर्फ़ दोस्तों के साथ रेहने का

दोस्ती नाम नहीं सिर्फ़ दोस्तों के साथ रेहने का..
बल्कि दोस्त ही जिन्दगी बन जाते हैं, दोस्ती में..

जरुरत नहीं पडती, दोस्त की तस्वीर की.
देखो जो आईना तो दोस्त नज़र आते हैं, दोस्ती में..

येह तो बहाना है कि मिल नहीं पाये दोस्तों से आज..
दिल पे हाथ रखते ही एहसास उनके हो जाते हैं, दोस्ती में..

नाम की तो जरूरत हई नहीं पडती इस रिश्ते मे कभी..
पूछे नाम अपना ओर, दोस्तॊं का बताते हैं, दोस्ती में..

कौन केहता है कि दोस्त हो सकते हैं जुदा कभी..
दूर रेह्कर भी दोस्त, बिल्कुल करीब नज़र आते हैं, दोस्ती में..

सिर्फ़ भ्रम हे कि दोस्त होते ह अलग-अलग..
दर्द हो इनको ओर, आंसू उनके आते हैं , दोस्ती में..

माना इश्क है खुदा, प्यार करने वालों के लिये "अभी"
पर हम तो अपना सिर झुकाते हैं, दोस्ती में..

ओर एक ही दवा है गम की दुनिया में क्युकि..
भूल के सारे गम, दोस्तों के साथ मुस्कुराते हैं, दोस्ती में. i miss you dost

PostHeaderIcon Pyaar ka sachha paribhasha

हम लोग जो प्यार मोहबत करते हैं ,वो हमारे लिए सही नही है क्युंकी हमारे संस्क्रीती के खीलाफ़ है,भारत मे प्यार शादी के बाद किया जाता है,और वहीं सफल होता है,एक और बात ये बहुत मुश्किल है देशी अंदाज मे प्यार करना क्युंकी हम जो प्यार करते हैं उसमे टू एक दुश्रे को जानते हैं लेकीन भारतीय परम्परा मे हम शादी के बाद जानते हैं और फिर प्यार करते हैं .

PostHeaderIcon pyaar mohabbat chat status ke sahaare

मुझे देख कर अच्छा लगा की लोग प्यार के बारे मी अभी भी कुछ ख़याल तो रखते हैं क्योंकि आज के भागदौड़ की जिंदगी में लोगो के पास इतना समय कहा रहता है एक दुसरे से मिले और अपने बातों का इजहार करें लेकिन ये कमबख्त इंटरनेट हर मुश्किल आसान कर देता है अब आज का स्टेटस जो लोगो के gtalk में लगा है

Deepak Shrivastava:--
Sochte the...paani se juda hokar Ye 'MachhliyaaN' itna kyoN chatpatati hai,Na
maaloom tha...nazdikiyaaN aadat or...Aadat...aksar Jindgi ban jaati hai.
Dhanjet Dubey:-
ये आई लव यू कहना जीतना आसान है उतना हीन मुश्कील है इसको आगे भी जारी
रखना,क्युंकी ये आई लव यू कहने वाले इस दुनीया मे बहुत हैं लेकीन कीतने
लोग सफल हुए हैं ये आज तक दफ़न कहानी है, आशा है मेरे दोस्त तुम भी समझ

Deepak Jangir:--
Kabi Khud bhi Mere paas aa,Meri Baat sun Mera Saath de.....Jo Khalish hai Dil se
Nikal ker,Mujhe Uljhno se Nijaat de.....Tujhe Sochna Mera Tamnaa,Tujhe Dekhna
Meri Aarzoo.....Mujhe Dil de apne Khayal ka,Mujhe Qurb ki ek Raat de.....Meri
Zindagi Mere saath chal,Mere Haath mai apna Haath de.....Mujhe mai apna Haath
de.....Mujhe Ghum bhi Khushi se Qabool hain,Jo Tu agar Mera Saath
Lisa :-
apne jajbat ko nagmo main rachane ke liye maine dil main dhandkan ki tarah
basaya tumhe..main tassbur bhi judai ka kese karu maine haathon ki lakiro se
churaya hai tumhe..

बस मेरे समझ में १ बात नही आ रही है ये मामला क्या है???

अब इन्हे देखें यह कस्टम मेसेज मैंने सुबह किसी और का देखा था हो सकता है मैं सही न होऊं अभी जिसके पास है मुझे पता है यह इन सब चक्कर में नही है
पर किसके चक्कर मैं हैं ????


Dilon se khelne ka hunar hume nahi aata, Isiliye ishq ki baazi hum haar
gaye, Meri zindagi se shayad unhe bahut pyar tha, Isiliye mujhe
zinda hi maar gaye

अगर आपमें से किसी को भी इन मेसेज पर कोई आपति हो तो दिमान न लगाएं और १ मेल करें यहाँ :-- शिप्रा मिश्रा मैं आपने वादा करती हूँ १० मिनट के अन्दर आपके नाम और मेसेज हट जायेंगे धन्यवाद

PostHeaderIcon i love u kahne wale log kar sakte hain

Ladka mera dost hai
or ek ladki sepyar karta hai
wo MBA complete kiya hai FMS delhi se
ab wo USA me hai
jub wo graduation me tha to to usene ek ladki ko "i love u" bola
ladki ne na kar diya
lekin ladka usiko apna love maan kar
intzaarkarta rha
God ne usko pukar sun li
or ek hadsa hua
ek din wo ladki apne ghar me khana bana rahi thi
tabhi uska gass salander blast kar gya or wo jalne lagi
ladka usdin ek notes lene uske ghar aa rha tha
achanak usne aag dekha to uske ghar me daudte hue aya
or kisi tarah apne jaan pe khle kar use bacha liya
isme wo khud bhi jal gya or ladki to jali hin adhi jal gyi
fir tabtak uske ghar wale aa gye or ladki ka ilaz to karwaya lekin
ladka ko kisi ne puchha bhi nahi kyunki wo thoda jaati me nicha tha
uske baad samay ke saath ladki or ladka dono thik hue
ladki to puri jal chuki thi uska face bhi dekhne layak nahi tha
lekin ladke ke kewal hath me hin daag aye the
ab ladki ki shadi ki baat chali
koi bhi usse shadi karne ko ready nahi hua
kyunki wo bahut ugly dikhti thi
fir jub mere dost ko ye baatpta chala to usne ladki ke father ke samne ek baat kha
ki mai isse shadi kar lunga,lekin iske liye wo ready ho or aap log
fir ladke ke ghar walo ko jub ye baat pata chla to wo kafi samjhaye ki tu pagal ho gy hai
itni badsurat ladki se pyar karega
lekin usne kaha ki ye jub khubsurat thi tabhi mai pyar karta tha or ab bhi karta hun
or mai uske liye shadi kar skata hun
khair shadi bhu hue
or mere dost ne ek baat thani thi ki wo ladki ko badsurat nahi rahne dega
so usne apni study jari rakhi or ek din usne FMS delhi se MBA kiya
or bahut hin achhe package pe USA gya
2 mahine pahle hin wo apne wife ko bhi amerika le gya or doctor se ilaz kara ke use fir si wahin Rupa bana diya hai
Ji han ladki ka naam Rupa hai
Aaap khud anuman laga sakte hain kya aisa aap "i love u kahne wale log kar sakte hain"

Sended By Dhanjeet Dubey

PostHeaderIcon Todays Hot Status In Chat window

Deepak Jahangeer :-
Kabi Khud bhi Mere paas aa,Meri Baat sun Mera Saath de.....Jo Khalish hai Dil se Nikal ker,Mujhe Uljhno se Nijaat de.....Tujhe Sochna Mera Tamnaa,Tujhe Dekhna Meri Aarzoo.....Mujhe Dil de apne Khayal ka,Mujhe Qurb ki ek Raat de.....Meri Zindagi Mere saath chal,Mere Haath mai apna Haath de.....Mujhe Ghum bhi Khushi se Qabool hain,Jo Tu agar Mera Saath de....?

Duniya Ki sabse Jhuthi sachai hai"i love You"Agar aisa hota to koi Ugly ladki se pyar karke dikhaye.ya karta ho to bataye,to mai janun ki sacha pyar hota bhi hai.Pyar aajtak kisi ka pura nahi hua or wo log bekar hain jo adhure kaam karte hain.ya koi ladki bata de ki aise ladke se pyar karti hai jo smart nahi hai ya rich nahi hai

I don't know is there any relationship in both status but any ways both status are nice.

Best of Luck Deepu and Dhanjeeeeet.

PostHeaderIcon Simple formulae!!!

Simple formulae!!!

2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot Com.

3. One Chinese Gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896

4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

5. Special Effects in Shampoo Ads = Special Effects in Jurassic Park.

6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie.

7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol

8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.

10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent.

11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

14. 1 person + straigh hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay Dutt

15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

Easy Shopping

PostHeaderIcon टेडी बियर दीपक के लिए P2 के द्वारा |

यह टेडी बियर दीपक के लिए ! P2 के द्वारा भेजा गया orkut पर |
आशा करती हूँ अच्छा लगेगा !



शिप्रा मिश्रा

PostHeaderIcon Relation Ship

I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father, who visited us quite often, fell in love with my stepdaughter and married her. Hence, my father became my son-in-law, and my stepdaughter became my mother. Some months later, my wife gave birth to a son, who became the brother-in-law of my father as well as my uncle. The wife of my father, that is my stepdaughter, also had a son. Thereby, I got a brother and at the same time a grandson. My wife is my grandmother, since she is my mother’s mother. Hence, I am my wife’s husband and at the same time her step-grandson, in other words, I am my own grandfather.

PostHeaderIcon सर, हमें हंसाओ न

यह आदर्श वाक्य ठीक भी हो सकता है कि आदमी को ठोंक-ठांक कर ठीक-ठाक बनाने में इसी धरती के महापुरूषों का ब़डा योगदान रहता आया है। परंतु इस आदर्श वाक्य का एक दूसरा पहलू भी है। यह पहलू सोचनीय है और इस प्रश्न पर आकर अटक जाता है कि क्या इसी को ‘ठीक-ठाक’ करना कहते हैं? इस सन्दर्भ का एक नमूना प्रस्तुत है।

भाई चिमनलाल ने एम.ए. की डिग्री कमा रखी है।भगवान करे, उसकी डिग्री सलामत रहे। इसी डिग्री के बूते वह टीचर है। उसके हिसाब से तनख्वाह अच्छी नहीं है और इर्द-गिर्द और भी बहुत कुछ अच्छा नहीं है। मसलन, चांद का मुंह टेढ़ा है, सूरज फीका है, धरती दोगली है, राजनीति खोखली है, आदि-आदि। विद्यार्थियों के सामने ख़डा होकर पढ़ाना उसका काम है, इसलिए यह दुनिया उसके लिए और भी अच्छी नहीं है। परन्तु क्या करे, तनख्वाह के लिए इस दुनिया का सामना तो करना ही प़डता है। उसका दावा है कि विद्यार्थियों को पढ़ाना सहज नहीं है। गंभीर शिक्षण पद्धति से विद्यार्थियों को पढ़ाना सहज नहीं है। गंभीर शिक्षण पद्धति से विद्यार्थियों के साथ जु़डना चाहते तो वे कुछ ग्रहण नहीं कर पाऍंगे और टीचर ने नाते अपनी हालत पागल से भी बदतर होती जाएगी।