Cool Jokes Collection

Intezar rehta hai har shaam apka,
raatein katti hai le kar naam apka,
muddat se baithe hai ye aas lagaye
ki aaj aayega koi paigaam apka…

Aksar jab hum aapko yaad karte hai
apne rab se yahi fariyaad karte hai
umar hamari bhi lag jaye aapko
kyoki hum aap ko khud se zyada pyar karte hai…

Aye mohabbat tere anjaam pe rona aaya
Jaane kyon aaj tere naam pe rona aaya
Yun to har sham umedon mein guzar jaati hai
Aaj kuch baat hai jo sham pe rona aaya

Geet ki zaroorat mehfil mein hoti hai
Pyar ki zaroorat dil mein hoti hai
Bin dosti ke adhuri hai yeh zindagi
Kyunki dost ki zaroorat har pal mehsus hoti hai

बस एक बार वापस लौटने का मन करता है |
आज हर वो दिन जीने को मन करता है |
कुछ बुरी बातें जो अब अच्छी लगती हैं |
कुछ बातें जो कल की ही बातें लगती हैं |
अबकी बार क्लास अटेंड करने का मन करता है |
दोपहर की क्लास में आखें बंद करने को मन करता है |
दोस्तों के रूम की वो बातें याद आती है |
एक्जाम के टाइम पे वो हँसी मजाक याद आती है |
कॉलेज के पास वाली तड़ी की चाय याद आती है |
तब की बेकार लगने वाली फोटो चेहरे पे हँसी लाती है |
अपनी गलतियों पे तुमसे दांत खाना याद आता है |
पर तुम्हारी गलती देखने का अब भी मनन करता है |
एक ऐसी सुबह उठने का मनन करता है |
बस एक बार वापस लौटने का मन करता है |
बस एक बार और वापस लौटने का मन करता है |

Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"

"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.

"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

Ladies toilet:-

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy."Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that" she says "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".

संता की बीबी प्रीतो एक दुकान पर पहुंची जहां परिंदे बेचे जाते थे। एक तोते के पिंजरे के आगे कीमत लिखी थी - मात्र 50 रु. ।

प्रीतो ने दुकानदार से पूछा - इसकी कीमत इतनी कम क्यों है जबकि तुम्हारी दुकान पर दूसरा कोई भी तोता 500 रु. से कम का नहीं है।

- दरअसल इस तोते का बोलचाल ठीक नहीं है। यहां आने के पहले यह एक वैश्या के घर में था। इसलिए कभी-कभी अश्लील बातें और भद्दी गालियां बकने लगता है। आप कोई दूसरा तोता ले जाइये, यह आपके घर के लायक नहीं है।

प्रीतो ने दो मिनट सोचा फिर बोली - चलेगा। मैं इसे अपने घर के लायक बना लूंगी। आप तो यही तोता दे दीजिए।

घर लाकर उसने तोते का पिंजरा अपने बेडरूम में टांग दिया और उसके कुछ बोलने का इंतजार करने लगी।

तोते ने शांतिपूर्वक इधर-उधर का मुआयना किया फिर बोला - वाह ! नया घर और नई औरत ! क्या बात है !

- ये तो कोई गाली नहीं है। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

थोड़ी देर बाद उसकी दोनों बेटियां कॉलेज से वापस आ गईं ।

उन्हें देखते ही तोता बोला - दो-दो नई लड़कियां ! क्या किस्मत है बाप !

- इसमें भी ऐसी कोई बुरी बात नहीं बोली है उसने। दुकानदार खांमखा डरा रहा था। प्रीतो ने सोचा ।

शाम को प्रीतो का पति संता घर आया । उसे देखते ही तोता चहक कर बोला - ओए संता ! तू यहां कैसे यार ?

IF BILL GATES START MAKING FILMS IN BOLLYWOOD

NAMES OF HIS WOULD BE FILMS

1 Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai

3. Aao Chat Kare

4. Programmer No.1

5. Mera Naam Developer

6. Java Wale Job Le Jayenge

7. Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein

8. Do Processor Baarah Terminal

9. Tera Code Chal Gaya

10. Har Din Jo Mail Karega

11. Network Ke Us Paar

12. Debugging Koi Khel Nahi

13. Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai

14. Raju Ban Gaya MCSE .!

15. Client Ek Numbari Programmer Dus Numbari

16. Login Karo Sajana

17. Naukar PC Ka

18. 1942 -- A Bug Story

19. Kaho Na Virus Hai

20. Crash Se Crash Tak

21. Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai

22. Password De Ke Dekho

23. Terminal Apna Login Paray

Sended by :- Seo Solutions India

ब्लॉगिंग की दुनिया मे आपका स्वागत है !
दीपक जोक (deepakjoke) में नए योगदानकर्ताओं का स्वागत है ! राहुल और प्रतिमा जी को हमारी तरफ़ से खुले दिल से स्वागत है !
मैंने आज ही सुबह देखा की २ नए योगदानकर्ता इस ब्लॉग से जुड़े है !
मैं अक्सर सोचती हूँ इतने ब्लॉग क्यों लिखे जा रहे हैं, .... बुरा मत मानिएगा... मैं भी उसी श्रेणी में हूँ, तभी तो ब्लॉग लिख रही हूँ ! हाँ तो मैं कह रही थी ...आप लिखें, और सभी पढ़ें !
ब्लॉग के ज़रिए जो विचारों का आदान प्रदान हो रहा है उस पर आप क्या सोचते हैं मुझे को ज़रुर बताइए !

धन्यवाद्
शिप्रा

एक आदमी ने अपने घर फोन किया तो उधर से एक अनजान महिला की आवाज आई।
''कौन ?'' - आदमी ने पूछा। ''मैं घर की नौकरानी बोल रही हूं ।'' - महिला ने उत्तर दिया।
''लेकिन हमारे घर में तो कोई नौकरानी नहीं है।'' - आदमी ने कहा।
''मुझे घर की मालकिन ने आज सुबह ही नौकरी पर रखा है ।'' नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया।
''अच्छा ठीक है, सुनो। इस वक्त तुम्हारी मालकिन कहां हैं? मुझे उनसे बात करनी है।'' -आदमी ने कहा।
''वह तो बेडरूम में हैं। अपने पति के साथ।'' - नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया।
''क्याऽऽऽ... ? पति के साथ...... ? पर उसका पति तो मैं हूं ........ '' - आदमी गुस्से से भन्ना गया।
उसने एक मिनट कुछ सोचा फिर बोला - ''हैलो ..... सुनो क्या तुम पचास हजार रूपये कमाना चाहोगी?''''हां... । पर मुझे करना क्या होगा ?'' - नौकरानी ने पूछा ।
''तुम मेरी अलमारी से बंदूक निकालो और उस कुतिया और उसके साथ जो आदमी है उसे गोली से उड़ा दो।''नौकरानी ने फोन नीचे रख दिया। आदमी ने पहले कदमों की और फिर दो गोलियां चलने की आवाज फोन पर सुनी।
नौकरानी ने वापस फोन उठाया और पूछा - ''अब इन लाशों का क्या करूं ?''''उन्हें स्वीमिंग पूल में डाल दो।'' - आदमी ने कहा ।
''पर आपके घर में तो स्वीमिंग पूल नहीं है।'' - नौकरानी ने जवाब दिया। लगभग तीन चार मिनट तक दोनों तरफ खामोशी छाई रही फिर आदमी की आवाज आई
''क्या ये नम्बर 7457965 ही है ?''

Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed.......
u.... R.... always....
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me i'll take u an eye specialist !!

During Marriage ceremony why are you made to sit on the horse ?
You are given your last chance to run away.

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a fool............

I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
And i got a HEART ATTACK

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy so when u need true love spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

when i call u --
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means .........pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ...
Student : WOW !

SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler had commited suicide

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