Top Reasons To Send Free SMS Jokes
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Another reason to send a text message joke is that people want to read the jokes. When traveling, or when waiting for buses that pass through the messages in their inbox. Surprisingly, even though our life is very hectic, people these days do not take the time to read these jokes. Many even the best jokes on their personal contact information. This SMS jokes are a great way to keep in touch with a contact list of people.
Today, we often do not have time to talk with friends or relatives on a regular basis. One of the ways we can tell them that we care and remember to send them text messages. If you have nothing important to say, but I just do not want to give the other person knows that the cure, the SMS is a joke.
How Funny Jokes Help You in Destressing
It may be possible that some people find this kind of feeling regularly, others may have this experience once a week or more. But regardless of frequency, the fact is that this is a dangerous condition to be, and can lead to great damage to both body and mind. However, there may be a relatively simple solution to escape the stress through jokes that are freely available on the Internet.
Let's talk about stress and its harmful effects, which interferes with his sanity, and leads to the person suffering from depression, hypertension and related conditions. This can also be supplemented by memory lapses and memory, and judgments of indecision and wrong. As you can see not only the stress is very harmful to the mind but also for the social life of an individual and family life as well. Therefore, it is important to always update with jokes to reduce the pressures of everyday life
Basically, what these sites do not joke is to provide an individual with an unlimited supply of jokes from all walks of life. This is concerned with a couple of laughs, and is a great help to restore hormonal balance are the first to be affected by stress. And now it is scientifically proven that half an hour of laughter can do wonders for your health. Speaking of laughter therapy generally helps cure many diseases involving the heart and nervous system.
What is marketing?
Ans: This is "Direct marketing".
2. You at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friend goes up to her and pointing at you and say:"He is very rich" Marry him?
Ans: This is "Business advertising".
3. You are at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walk up to you and says: "You are very rich" Can u marry me?
Ans: This is "Brand recognition".
4.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to and say: "I'm very rich. Marry me?" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
Ans: This is "Customer feedback"
5.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I'm very rich. Marry me?" then she introduces u to her husband.
Ans: This is "Demand and supply gap".
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before u say: "I'm rich, marry me?" Your wife arrives-
Ans: This is "Restriction for entering new markets".
Cool joke
पास में एक खड़ी युवती बहुत परेशान थी !
युवती के ठीक पीछे खड़ा एक बिनम्र युवक बार - बार ड्राईवर के ब्रैक लगाने से युवती से टकरा जाता था !
युवती की परेशानी और बढाती जा रही थी !
रस्ते में ऐसा कई बार हुआ !
अचानक बस (डी यु) के पास पहुँचने ही वाली थी की एक बार और युवक जा टकराया !
युवती आपे से बहार तेज गुस्से में :- क्या कर रहे हो idiot ?
बिनम्र युवत बेचारा बिनम्र स्वभाव में - मैडम (डी यु ) से M A!
How to Tell Jokes and Be Funny
Learning how to acquaint jokes and be funny can be a abundant skill. In fact, one of the characteristics that abounding women adulation in a man is a acceptable faculty of humor. Aside from that, abounding humans adulation a funny man. Of course, cipher hates a man who can accomplish them laugh. Aside from getting a blithe companion, getting funny can aswell accomplish you an absorbing apostle and activity of the party.
Even if you are not a able comedian, it helps a lot to apprentice to acquaint funny jokes already in a while - to breach the ice on affairs or on conversations, to be able to admix with added humans and to be added interesting. To advice you with these, actuality are a few tips you can do.
Know your audience. It is important that you acquaint jokes to adapted humans and that you accomplish abiding you are able a antic that is ill-fitted to your audience. Especially if it comes to jokes about stereotypes or ethnicity, you ability wish to be accurate with who you are talking to afore authoritative a joke.
Find new jokes and don't just await on those old jokes you accept heard and apparently everybody has heard before. This is one tip that you should accumulate in apperception consistently if you wish to be that funny guy. Although jokes are the a lot of accepted agency of authoritative anybody laugh, you can about acquisition bite curve and one-liners that can aswell be abundant - and you can breed that if you accept a aptitude for that.
Proper timing is aswell capital in acquirements how to acquaint jokes. If in a chat you accept anticipation about a antic that would be adapted and of the appropriate timing, don't delay that the atmosphere has died down afore arise that joke. It would not be funny anymore if your admirers has already absent the momentum. Do not aswell be too acquisitive to accord all your best jokes at once. Humans would not be amused alert to the aforementioned old jokes over and over again, so accord alone jokes that are accordant to the bearings at hand.
Dinner Conversation Went Wrong
Wife: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
Husband: “Definitely not!”
Wife: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?”
Husband: “Of course I do.”
Wife: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
Husband: “okay, … I’d get married again.”
Wife: “You would???” (with a hurtful look on her face)
Husband: (makes an audible groan)
Wife: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
Husband: “Where else would we sleep?”
Wife: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”
Husband: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”
Wife: “Would she use my golf clubs?”
Husband: “No, …she’s left-handed.”
Wife: (silence)
Husband: “Oh…Shit.”
Love and Marriage
Love and Marriage
Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.
Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.
Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.
Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.
Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.
Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .
Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.
Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.
Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.
Conclusion: “Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!” ‘,
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
Christmas Gift!
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap.
doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him,
he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?" "Something for my mother, please." said the young lady. "Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?" Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"
Spinster Sister
She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Well, then send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Dog vs Ferrari
Halfway through the plowing, the tractor runs out of fuel. He wanders out to the road and flags down a ride, which just happens to be a Ferrari.
The driver says, "You can have a ride, but that dog can't get in my car."
The farmer says, "Don't worry. Old Joe will keep up."
The driver figures he'll show the farmer just what his car can do and lets it rip. Just as he is going into 5th gear, he looks out the window and sure enough Old Joe is right beside him. He can't wait to have a look at the amazing dog, so he slams on the brakes, and the car stops rather abruptly.
The driver jumps out exclaiming, "He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! But what kind of collar is that he's wearing?"
The farmer shook his head and said, "That's not a collar. That's his asshole. He's not used to stopping that fast.
TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."
Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
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Snake Bite
"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.
He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.
"He says you're gonna die."
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Only three doors
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Is Windows a Virus
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
It's a bug.
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प्रोफेशनल
एक डॉक्टर साहब एक पार्टी में गए । अपने बीच शहर के एक प्रतिष्ठित डॉक्टर को पाकर लोगों ने उन्हें घेर लिया। किसी को जुकाम था तो किसी के पेट में गैस। सभी मुफ्त की राय लेने के चक्कर में थे। शिष्टाचारवश डॉक्टर साहब किसी को मना नहीं कर पा रहे थे।
उसी पार्टी में शहर के एक नामी वकील भी आए हुए थे। मौका मिलते ही डॉक्टर साहब वकील साहब के पास पहुंचे और उन्हें एक ओर ले जाकर बोले - यार ! मैं तो परेशान हो गया हूं। सभी फ्री में इलाज कराने के चक्कर में हैं। तुम्हें भी ऐसे लोग मिलते हैं क्या ?
वकील साहब - बहुत मिलते हैं ।
डॉक्टर साहब - तो फिर उनसे कैसे निपटते हो ?
वकील साहब - बिलकुल सीधा तरीका है । मैं उन्हें सलाह देता हूं जैसा कि वो चाहते हैं। बाद में उनके घर बिल भिजवा देता हूं।
यह बात डॉक्टर साहब को कुछ जम गई । अगले रोज उन्होंने भी पार्टी में मिले कुछ लोगों के नाम बिल बनाए और उन्हें भिजवाने ही वाले थे कि तभी उनका नौकर अन्दर आया और बोला - साहब, कोई आपसे मिलना चाहता है ।
डॉक्टर साहब - कौन है ?
नौकर - वकील साहब का चपरासी है । कहता है कल रात पार्टी में आपने वकील साहब से जो राय ली थी उसका बिल लाया है .......
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Impossible to Please
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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Advantages Of Being A Woman
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
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How Long?????
" Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
" She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don`t really know," he said. "She`s been there eleven years now."
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Shave The Beard
"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"
"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"
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