Showing posts with label Adult Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adult Jokes. Show all posts
Top Reasons To Send Free SMS Jokes
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Laughter and fun to make life meaningful. They provide an outlet for pain, stress and rigors that affect our daily lives. A smile not only keeps you grounded, so is alert and enthusiastic. Why not make someone's day by sending free SMS jokes?
Another reason to send a text message joke is that people want to read the jokes. When traveling, or when waiting for buses that pass through the messages in their inbox. Surprisingly, even though our life is very hectic, people these days do not take the time to read these jokes. Many even the best jokes on their personal contact information. This SMS jokes are a great way to keep in touch with a contact list of people.
Today, we often do not have time to talk with friends or relatives on a regular basis. One of the ways we can tell them that we care and remember to send them text messages. If you have nothing important to say, but I just do not want to give the other person knows that the cure, the SMS is a joke.
Another reason to send a text message joke is that people want to read the jokes. When traveling, or when waiting for buses that pass through the messages in their inbox. Surprisingly, even though our life is very hectic, people these days do not take the time to read these jokes. Many even the best jokes on their personal contact information. This SMS jokes are a great way to keep in touch with a contact list of people.
Today, we often do not have time to talk with friends or relatives on a regular basis. One of the ways we can tell them that we care and remember to send them text messages. If you have nothing important to say, but I just do not want to give the other person knows that the cure, the SMS is a joke.
How Funny Jokes Help You in Destressing
I keep asking lifestyles of today, something that stress can never be automatic, because there are so many resources that can hurt you dreaded condition regularly. More because of a belief more widespread than we ever have time to take immediate steps, the pressure mounts, and one day lead to tragic consequences.
It may be possible that some people find this kind of feeling regularly, others may have this experience once a week or more. But regardless of frequency, the fact is that this is a dangerous condition to be, and can lead to great damage to both body and mind. However, there may be a relatively simple solution to escape the stress through jokes that are freely available on the Internet.
Let's talk about stress and its harmful effects, which interferes with his sanity, and leads to the person suffering from depression, hypertension and related conditions. This can also be supplemented by memory lapses and memory, and judgments of indecision and wrong. As you can see not only the stress is very harmful to the mind but also for the social life of an individual and family life as well. Therefore, it is important to always update with jokes to reduce the pressures of everyday life
Basically, what these sites do not joke is to provide an individual with an unlimited supply of jokes from all walks of life. This is concerned with a couple of laughs, and is a great help to restore hormonal balance are the first to be affected by stress. And now it is scientifically proven that half an hour of laughter can do wonders for your health. Speaking of laughter therapy generally helps cure many diseases involving the heart and nervous system.
It may be possible that some people find this kind of feeling regularly, others may have this experience once a week or more. But regardless of frequency, the fact is that this is a dangerous condition to be, and can lead to great damage to both body and mind. However, there may be a relatively simple solution to escape the stress through jokes that are freely available on the Internet.
Let's talk about stress and its harmful effects, which interferes with his sanity, and leads to the person suffering from depression, hypertension and related conditions. This can also be supplemented by memory lapses and memory, and judgments of indecision and wrong. As you can see not only the stress is very harmful to the mind but also for the social life of an individual and family life as well. Therefore, it is important to always update with jokes to reduce the pressures of everyday life
Basically, what these sites do not joke is to provide an individual with an unlimited supply of jokes from all walks of life. This is concerned with a couple of laughs, and is a great help to restore hormonal balance are the first to be affected by stress. And now it is scientifically proven that half an hour of laughter can do wonders for your health. Speaking of laughter therapy generally helps cure many diseases involving the heart and nervous system.
Jo Bhi kahunga such mai kahunga!
Jo bhi kahunga such mai kahunga,
Tu pass ho yaa do par touch me rhunga!
Email bhi karunga sex bhi karunga,
Tujhe sms bhej kar relax bhi mai kaunga!!
Jo bhi kahunga such mai kahunga,
Tu pass ho yaa door par touch me rahunga!!
#####DIL TO BACHHA HAI JI#########
Tu pass ho yaa do par touch me rhunga!
Email bhi karunga sex bhi karunga,
Tujhe sms bhej kar relax bhi mai kaunga!!
Jo bhi kahunga such mai kahunga,
Tu pass ho yaa door par touch me rahunga!!
#####DIL TO BACHHA HAI JI#########
Funny - Jokes to Open a Presentation
An simple and simple way to anon add amusement to your presentation is to cover it in your introduction. This way you can potentially accept your admirers bedlam even afore you set bottom on stage, this is not a bad thing. Now, if I say you can use jokes to accessible a presentation you do not necessarily accept to use a artery joke.
If you are not bright on the term, a artery antic is a antic you get told by a acquaintance or plan aide in a amusing situation. Such as the "man walks into a bar..." blazon jokes. More generally than not these do not accept an authorship.
But you do not accept to use those. You can artlessly actualize your own presentation addition jokes, but harnessing your own faculty of humor. Can you anticipate of something humorous, and accordant to your presentation which the being introducing you can apprehend out? Quick tip; if you do accomplish abiding it is adapted for the ambiance you are speaking in.
Is there a way that you can acquisition a amusing quote, or central antic that connects able-bodied with your presentation as able-bodied as with your audience?
You can use artery jokes, but I would accommodate two warnings if you do so. The aboriginal is if you use a artery antic I would adapt it so that it was in my words and I would personalise it. Secondly, be actual accurate if you acquisition a artery antic online or in a book. There is a actual top adventitious that anyone abroad may be application the aforementioned joke. If they are on the aforementioned bill as you it could be dangerous. Or if you are the alone speaker, you ability accept anyone advancing up to you afterwards and cogent you that they had heard the antic before.
Also, abounding presenters decay admired admirers affiliation time by accepting their addition arranged with biographical information. You apperceive the type, "our next apostle as an MBA, BBC and NBC..." who cares?
Remember that your admirers is consistently traveling to be thinking: "what is in it for me?" So why not acquaint them appropriate off the bat? Inform your admirers absolutely what they will get out of alert to you. What is their yield away? Will they apprentice a specific set of tools? Are you giving them an activity plan?
By cogent them what they can apprehend to get out of your presentation afore you even begin, you can advice grab their absorption afore you even airing out in foreground of them. So not alone are you abutting with your admirers through the ability of amusement by application jokes to accessible a presentation, but you are aswell relaying the allowances they will get.
If you are not bright on the term, a artery antic is a antic you get told by a acquaintance or plan aide in a amusing situation. Such as the "man walks into a bar..." blazon jokes. More generally than not these do not accept an authorship.
But you do not accept to use those. You can artlessly actualize your own presentation addition jokes, but harnessing your own faculty of humor. Can you anticipate of something humorous, and accordant to your presentation which the being introducing you can apprehend out? Quick tip; if you do accomplish abiding it is adapted for the ambiance you are speaking in.
Is there a way that you can acquisition a amusing quote, or central antic that connects able-bodied with your presentation as able-bodied as with your audience?
You can use artery jokes, but I would accommodate two warnings if you do so. The aboriginal is if you use a artery antic I would adapt it so that it was in my words and I would personalise it. Secondly, be actual accurate if you acquisition a artery antic online or in a book. There is a actual top adventitious that anyone abroad may be application the aforementioned joke. If they are on the aforementioned bill as you it could be dangerous. Or if you are the alone speaker, you ability accept anyone advancing up to you afterwards and cogent you that they had heard the antic before.
Also, abounding presenters decay admired admirers affiliation time by accepting their addition arranged with biographical information. You apperceive the type, "our next apostle as an MBA, BBC and NBC..." who cares?
Remember that your admirers is consistently traveling to be thinking: "what is in it for me?" So why not acquaint them appropriate off the bat? Inform your admirers absolutely what they will get out of alert to you. What is their yield away? Will they apprentice a specific set of tools? Are you giving them an activity plan?
By cogent them what they can apprehend to get out of your presentation afore you even begin, you can advice grab their absorption afore you even airing out in foreground of them. So not alone are you abutting with your admirers through the ability of amusement by application jokes to accessible a presentation, but you are aswell relaying the allowances they will get.
TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS
Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."
Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
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Snake Bite
Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.
He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.
"He says you're gonna die."
"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.
He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.
"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.
"He says you're gonna die."
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Impossible to Please
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
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Advantages Of Being A Woman
Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
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How Long?????
A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes, knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn`t home.
" Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
" She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don`t really know," he said. "She`s been there eleven years now."
" Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
" She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don`t really know," he said. "She`s been there eleven years now."
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Some Funny Jokes
1:- A woman went to the mall to buy Valentine’s Day cards for her son and father.
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded her.
She muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have anything for ex-husbands."
The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes maim, they do, but they’re in Sporting Goods."
"Really?" exclaimed the woman.
"Yes maim. They’re called darts."
2:- A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"
"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"
3:- A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
4:- A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by the husband's snoring decided to bring a needle and poke him when he nods off.
The next week the husband as always fell asleep. When the preacher asked "Who created the earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th". The wife stuck her husband and he jumped up and exclaimed "Oh my God!". The preacher said " That's correct". The husby soon fell asleep again. Then the preacher asked "And who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?". The wife stuck her husband again when he jumped up and said "Jesus Christ!". The preacher said "Right again".
With this the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye on his wife when the preacher said "What did Mary say to Joseph after Jesus was born?". The wife started to poke her husband again, but before she could the husband jumped and exclaimed "If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half!"
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded her.
She muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have anything for ex-husbands."
The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes maim, they do, but they’re in Sporting Goods."
"Really?" exclaimed the woman.
"Yes maim. They’re called darts."
2:- A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.
"Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it. She would kill me!"
"Oh, please?" the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied "Oh, Michael, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"
3:- A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
4:- A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by the husband's snoring decided to bring a needle and poke him when he nods off.
The next week the husband as always fell asleep. When the preacher asked "Who created the earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th". The wife stuck her husband and he jumped up and exclaimed "Oh my God!". The preacher said " That's correct". The husby soon fell asleep again. Then the preacher asked "And who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?". The wife stuck her husband again when he jumped up and said "Jesus Christ!". The preacher said "Right again".
With this the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall asleep while keeping an eye on his wife when the preacher said "What did Mary say to Joseph after Jesus was born?". The wife started to poke her husband again, but before she could the husband jumped and exclaimed "If you stick that damn thing in me again, I'm going to break it in half!"
rich man and God
There once was a rich man who was dying. While on his death bed, he tried to negotiate with God to have God allow him to bring his earthly treasures with him to heaven.
"God, please, I have worked so hard to accumulate all these riches. Can't I bring them along?"
"This is very unusual," said God, "but since you have been such a faithful steward, I will allow you to bring one suitcase." The man immediately had a servant fill a large suitcase with gold bricks.
Shortly thereafter, he died. When he arrived at the pearly gates, he was stopped by St. Peter. "I'm sorry sir, but you know the rule -- 'you can't take it with you.' You may enter, but the suitcase has to stay outside."
"But God told me I could bring one suitcase," the man protested.
"Well, if God says it's okay -- but I still need to examine the contents before you enter."
St. Peter took the suitcase from the man, opened it, and, looking very puzzled, said to the man, "You brought pavement?"
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गुदगुदी
मरीज (डाक्टर से) - ऐसी बीमारी को सहने से अच्छा तो मर जाना अच्छा है।
डाक्टर (मरीज से) - हम कोशिश तो कर रहे हैं।
बच्चा (पिता से) - एक मूछों वाला आदमी बाहर खड़ा है।
पिता (बच्चे से) - उसे कह दो हमें मूछों की जरूरत नहीं है, हमारी मूछें हैं।
जज (चोर से) - मालिक के होते हुए आपने चोरी कैसे की?
चोर (जज से) - हुजूर! आप सीखकर क्या करेंगे?
संता (बंता से) - मैं चाहता हूं कि मेरी पत्नी बुद्धिमान हो, सुंदर हो और मीठी बोलने वाली हो।
बंता (संता से) - लेकिन इतनी मंहगाई में तुम तीन पत्नियों का खर्च कैसे बर्दाश्त करोगे?
एक बार एक आदमी शंकर भगवान की तपस्या की
और शंकर भगवान प्रशन हो गए और बोले कोई बरदान माग ले
उस इन्शान ने बोला मेरे को गिटार दे दो प्रभु
शंकर भगवान बोले कुछ और मांग लो मई गिटार नही दे सकता
उस बय्क्ति ने बोला क्यूँ ?शंकर भगवान बोले !
अगर मेरे पास गिटार होता तो मई डमरू क्यूँ बजता
डाक्टर (मरीज से) - हम कोशिश तो कर रहे हैं।
बच्चा (पिता से) - एक मूछों वाला आदमी बाहर खड़ा है।
पिता (बच्चे से) - उसे कह दो हमें मूछों की जरूरत नहीं है, हमारी मूछें हैं।
जज (चोर से) - मालिक के होते हुए आपने चोरी कैसे की?
चोर (जज से) - हुजूर! आप सीखकर क्या करेंगे?
संता (बंता से) - मैं चाहता हूं कि मेरी पत्नी बुद्धिमान हो, सुंदर हो और मीठी बोलने वाली हो।
बंता (संता से) - लेकिन इतनी मंहगाई में तुम तीन पत्नियों का खर्च कैसे बर्दाश्त करोगे?
एक बार एक आदमी शंकर भगवान की तपस्या की
और शंकर भगवान प्रशन हो गए और बोले कोई बरदान माग ले
उस इन्शान ने बोला मेरे को गिटार दे दो प्रभु
शंकर भगवान बोले कुछ और मांग लो मई गिटार नही दे सकता
उस बय्क्ति ने बोला क्यूँ ?शंकर भगवान बोले !
अगर मेरे पास गिटार होता तो मई डमरू क्यूँ बजता
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True Love
Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"
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Humor and Funny Jokes
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?” The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “
Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.” …Mark - age 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “
You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” …Jessica - age 8
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the final one — Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest that he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”
Difference between girls ages
What is the difference between girls ages:
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
बीयर बार की बीयर
तीन आदमी, दो अधेड़ और एक युवा, किसी बीयर बार में बीयर पीने गये। जब वह पीने लगे तो एक आदमी बोला - ''लगता है बाहर बारिश हो रही है।'' गरमागरम बहस के बाद तय हुआ कि उम्र में सबसे छोटा छतरी लेने के लिये घर जाये। लड़का गुर्राया - ''मेरे जाने पर तुम मेरी सारी बीयर पी जाओगे।'' उसे इतमीनान दिलाया गया कि नहीं पीयेंगे, उसके हिस्से की ज्यों की त्यों रखी रहेगी। तब कहीं छोटे मियां छतरी लेने चले। रात गहराने लगी पर छोटे मियां नहीं लौटे। अन्त में एक बोला - ''क्यों न उन हजरत के हिस्से की भी पी ही ली जाये। अब तो वे आने से रहे।''दूसरा बोला - ''मैं भी यही सोच रहा था। आओ पी लें।''बार के एक कोने की छोटी सी खिड़की से तेज आवाज आई - ''अगर पीओगे तो मैं छतरी लेने नहीं जाऊंगा।''(विप्र)
do sharabi - ek kissa !
Pehla Sharabi - Zamana gardish mein jhoomta hai,
Nashe nigahon ko aa rahe hain,
Who haath zinda rahein khudaya
Jo mujhko Whisky pila rahe hain
Doosra Sharabi- Janab, kya app hosh mein hain
Agar aisa hai, to aur lijiye
Sharabkhane mein aye hain to
Khudi ko gark-e-sharab kijiye
Pehla - Nasha bahut ho gaya hai sahib
Na aur dijiye sharab mujhko
Ki, ek bara saanp lag raha hai
Ye lamba lamba kabab mujhko
Doosra - Kabab to behtarin milte hain
Sham ko mere ghar kea age
Aur aise khasta ki toot jaayein
Agar na lipte hon unpe dhaage
Pehla - Pata Janab apne ghar ka, is
Khaksaar ko bhi batayiega…
Doosra - Ye mera Card hai sahib
Jaroor tashrif layiega….
Pehla - 18 Number? Nizaam Manzil?
Ye mere ghar ka pata hai Sahab?
Doosra - Mangaa dun Taxi, bahut nasha
Aap ko agar ho gaya hai sahib?
Pehla - Nashe mein koi bhi apne ghar ka
Pata nai bhulta hai Mister..
Doosra - Bahut si pee le to maa-behan tak
Ko bilyakin bhulta hai Mister
Pehla - Mere Mukarram! Yakin kar lo
Behak gaye ho, nashe mein gum ho
Doosra - To goya ‘Farhat’ ke naam par jo
Makan hai, us ke makin tum ho?
Pehla - Kasam khuda ki 18 Number
Nizam Manzil, mera makan hai
Doosra - Kiraya deti hai uska Farhat
Tu keh raha hai tera makan hai
Pehla - Nashe mein kehta hun saaf tujhse
Bahut hai Farhat ko pyar mujhse
Doosra - Zubaan ko de lagam warna
Tu aaj khayega maar mujhse
Pehla - Jo haath mujh par kabhi uthaya
Talak le legi Farhat tujhse
Doosra - Woh tujhko Sandal se peet degi
Ishk karti hai mujhse Farhat
Pehla - Agar tujhi se woh ishk karti
Gale lagati na woh mujhko bhi
Doosra - Abhi jahunnum mein bhejta hoon
Tere nashe ko bhi aur tujhe bhi
Pehla - Galaa mat pakran, hata le apne
Ye haath gande, ye kaale kaale
Doosra - Tabah kar dunga, maar dalunga
Main na chhodunga tujhko saae
Pehla - 18 Number, Nizaam Manzil mein
Bol beta, kabhi ghusega?
Doosra - Tumhari maa ko gale lagaane
Tumhara ye baap abhi ghusega…
Pehla - Kamine Kutte! [fate girabaan]
Zalil paaji! [gayi wo tie]
Doosra - Suaar ke bachche [gilas tute]
Haramzaade! [giri tipaayi]
Teesra Sharabi - Hasin hai mausam, samaa hai rangeen
Laro nai bhai! Baaz aao
Arey o baira! Ye kya garbar hai?
Ye mar na jaayein, inhe chhurao
Baira - Janab, ye dono baap-bete hain
Bhool jaate hain roz pee ke
Ye dono rehte hain ek hi ghar mein
Dhoom machaate hain roz pee ke
Teesra - Magar, Wo Farhat ka kya kissa hai?
Jo ban gayi zebe-dastaan hai..
Baira - Aji, wo hai ek nek aurat
Jo ‘Is’ ki biwi, aur ‘Us’ ki Maan hai….
Nashe nigahon ko aa rahe hain,
Who haath zinda rahein khudaya
Jo mujhko Whisky pila rahe hain
Doosra Sharabi- Janab, kya app hosh mein hain
Agar aisa hai, to aur lijiye
Sharabkhane mein aye hain to
Khudi ko gark-e-sharab kijiye
Pehla - Nasha bahut ho gaya hai sahib
Na aur dijiye sharab mujhko
Ki, ek bara saanp lag raha hai
Ye lamba lamba kabab mujhko
Doosra - Kabab to behtarin milte hain
Sham ko mere ghar kea age
Aur aise khasta ki toot jaayein
Agar na lipte hon unpe dhaage
Pehla - Pata Janab apne ghar ka, is
Khaksaar ko bhi batayiega…
Doosra - Ye mera Card hai sahib
Jaroor tashrif layiega….
Pehla - 18 Number? Nizaam Manzil?
Ye mere ghar ka pata hai Sahab?
Doosra - Mangaa dun Taxi, bahut nasha
Aap ko agar ho gaya hai sahib?
Pehla - Nashe mein koi bhi apne ghar ka
Pata nai bhulta hai Mister..
Doosra - Bahut si pee le to maa-behan tak
Ko bilyakin bhulta hai Mister
Pehla - Mere Mukarram! Yakin kar lo
Behak gaye ho, nashe mein gum ho
Doosra - To goya ‘Farhat’ ke naam par jo
Makan hai, us ke makin tum ho?
Pehla - Kasam khuda ki 18 Number
Nizam Manzil, mera makan hai
Doosra - Kiraya deti hai uska Farhat
Tu keh raha hai tera makan hai
Pehla - Nashe mein kehta hun saaf tujhse
Bahut hai Farhat ko pyar mujhse
Doosra - Zubaan ko de lagam warna
Tu aaj khayega maar mujhse
Pehla - Jo haath mujh par kabhi uthaya
Talak le legi Farhat tujhse
Doosra - Woh tujhko Sandal se peet degi
Ishk karti hai mujhse Farhat
Pehla - Agar tujhi se woh ishk karti
Gale lagati na woh mujhko bhi
Doosra - Abhi jahunnum mein bhejta hoon
Tere nashe ko bhi aur tujhe bhi
Pehla - Galaa mat pakran, hata le apne
Ye haath gande, ye kaale kaale
Doosra - Tabah kar dunga, maar dalunga
Main na chhodunga tujhko saae
Pehla - 18 Number, Nizaam Manzil mein
Bol beta, kabhi ghusega?
Doosra - Tumhari maa ko gale lagaane
Tumhara ye baap abhi ghusega…
Pehla - Kamine Kutte! [fate girabaan]
Zalil paaji! [gayi wo tie]
Doosra - Suaar ke bachche [gilas tute]
Haramzaade! [giri tipaayi]
Teesra Sharabi - Hasin hai mausam, samaa hai rangeen
Laro nai bhai! Baaz aao
Arey o baira! Ye kya garbar hai?
Ye mar na jaayein, inhe chhurao
Baira - Janab, ye dono baap-bete hain
Bhool jaate hain roz pee ke
Ye dono rehte hain ek hi ghar mein
Dhoom machaate hain roz pee ke
Teesra - Magar, Wo Farhat ka kya kissa hai?
Jo ban gayi zebe-dastaan hai..
Baira - Aji, wo hai ek nek aurat
Jo ‘Is’ ki biwi, aur ‘Us’ ki Maan hai….
Before VS After Marraige
Before Marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
Now after Marriage, you can read from bottom to the top
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
Now after Marriage, you can read from bottom to the top
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