Cool Jokes Collection

Teri yaad se rishta kal bhi tha
teri yaad se rishta aaj bhi hai,,

Dil apna dukhta kal bhi tha
dil ye udaas aaj bhi hai,,

Jo pyar hum tum karte they
woh pyar to zinda aaj bhi hai,,

Hum bichad gaye is doori mein
tum door ho majboori mein,,

Kabhi waqt mile to chali ana
khula dil ka darwaza aaj bhi hai,,

Na sataao, na tadpaao..... .
na mehfil mein yu tanha chodo,

Teri yaad me jaage kal bhi they,
teri yaad me jaage aaj bhi hain......

आज काफ़ी दिन बाद मैंने अपने ब्लॉग पर लिख रहा हूँ | बहुत सोचा क्या लिखा जाए | तो ख्याल आया उसके बारे में लिखूं जिसे मैंने कभी नही भूल सकता
तो उसके लिए १ शेर :-

कुछ रिश्ते होते हैं "हवाओं" की तरह,
बनके "खुशबू" ज़िन्दगी मैं घुल जाया करते हैं,

कुछ शख्स होते हैं "धुन" की तरह,
बनके "ग़ज़ल" ज़िन्दगी सुरमई कर जाया करते हैं,

जाने क्यूँ जब भी ज़िक्र होता है नाम का आपके,
हम "ग़ज़ल" की "धुन" और "हवाओं" की "खुशबू" को महसूस कर जाया करते हैं.......

धन्यवाद
दीपक श्रीवास्तव

Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."

Santa and Banta were hiking in the woods when Santa is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.

"I'll go into town for a doctor," Banta says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the town's only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby.

"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little 'x' where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."

Banta runs back to his friend, who is in agony.

"What did the doctor say?" Santa asks.

"He says you're gonna die."

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

एक डॉक्टर साहब एक पार्टी में गए । अपने बीच शहर के एक प्रतिष्ठित डॉक्टर को पाकर लोगों ने उन्हें घेर लिया। किसी को जुकाम था तो किसी के पेट में गैस। सभी मुफ्त की राय लेने के चक्कर में थे। शिष्टाचारवश डॉक्टर साहब किसी को मना नहीं कर पा रहे थे।

उसी पार्टी में शहर के एक नामी वकील भी आए हुए थे। मौका मिलते ही डॉक्टर साहब वकील साहब के पास पहुंचे और उन्हें एक ओर ले जाकर बोले - यार ! मैं तो परेशान हो गया हूं। सभी फ्री में इलाज कराने के चक्कर में हैं। तुम्हें भी ऐसे लोग मिलते हैं क्या ?

वकील साहब - बहुत मिलते हैं ।

डॉक्टर साहब - तो फिर उनसे कैसे निपटते हो ?

वकील साहब - बिलकुल सीधा तरीका है । मैं उन्हें सलाह देता हूं जैसा कि वो चाहते हैं। बाद में उनके घर बिल भिजवा देता हूं।

यह बात डॉक्टर साहब को कुछ जम गई । अगले रोज उन्होंने भी पार्टी में मिले कुछ लोगों के नाम बिल बनाए और उन्हें भिजवाने ही वाले थे कि तभी उनका नौकर अन्दर आया और बोला - साहब, कोई आपसे मिलना चाहता है ।

डॉक्टर साहब - कौन है ?

नौकर - वकील साहब का चपरासी है । कहता है कल रात पार्टी में आपने वकील साहब से जो राय ली थी उसका बिल लाया है .......

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes, knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn`t home.
" Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
" She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don`t really know," he said. "She`s been there eleven years now."

Ladies toilet:-

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy."Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that" she says "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".

Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog? A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q: Why do English make better lovers than Portugese/Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 90 Minutes and still come second!

Q: What is common between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!

Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.

Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead English football fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle. B. Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer English football fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their Heads and arses are interchangeable."

Q. What do you have when 100 English football fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got a diamond ring."
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

Zamana kahe khoobsurat hain hum
Nazron ki khwaish,nazmon ki justaju hain hum
Khoobsurati se aur khoobsurat jo hay
Us khoobsurti ki tarif hain hum
Zamana kahe khoobsurat hain hum

Dharkan ko yakeen na ho
Aisi sawan ki khooshboo hain hum
Patjhar ke foolonki nazaqat jo hay
Us nazron ki haya hain hum
Zamana kahe khoobsurat hain hum

Asim ko allah ki karam ho
Aisi karam ki barish hain hum
Woh jism me jo aag lagaye
Aisi barsaat ke araish hain hum
Zamana kahe khoobsurat hain hum

Aag ko bujhaye to arz ho
Un tamam rangon ki tarannum hain hum
Dhun jab bewafai kar baithe
Woh awaz ki saaz hain hum
Zamana kahe khoobsurat hain hum

Khoobsurti ki shayri kahiyeto
Us nazmon me sawal hain hum
Sawalon ka halal ho in haatonse
To woh bamisaal jawab hain hum
Zamana kahe khoobsurat hain hum

Yeh daag jo mit-ti nahin damanse
Woh daag ki raushnayi hay hum
Zamaneki raushanara badnaseebi ki dilruba hain hum
Jis khoobsurti ki taugin kare ruswayi
Us khubsurti se asim hain hum
Takhdeer jo zindegi se bewafai kare
Us zindegi ke mazak hain hum

एक मुद्दत हुई दिल को सताती रही तेरी याद
आंसू बन लहू में घुल जाती रही तेरी याद

सुबह को लालिमअ बन छा जाती रही तेरी याद
धुप में साया बन साथ चलती रहi तेरी याद

दोपहर छाया बन तासीर दिलाती रही तेरी याद
शाम को हवा का झोन बन लुभाती रही तेरी याद

रात के अँधेरे में जुगनू बन चमकती रही तेरी याद
आसमान में तारों संग टीम टीम आती रही तेरी याद

चांदनी बन ज़मीं को नहलाती रही तेरी याद
रोज़ ख्वाब बन तेरी दीद कराती रही तेरी याद

गर्मी में हवा का झोंका बन आ जाती रही तेरी याद
इन्द्रधनुष के रंगों में रंग जाती रही तेरी याद

सर्दी में खिली धुप सी चमकती रही तेरी याद
पहाडों पर बर्फ बन बिछ जाती रही तेरी याद

फूलों पर तितली बन मंडराती रही तेरी याद
हवा को खुशबू बन महकाती रही तेरी याद

बेलों को सहारा बन बढाती रही तेरी याद
बागों को बहार बन सजाती रही तेरी याद

होली में गुलाल बन रंग उडाती रही तेरी याद
दिवाली में चिराज बन उजाले फैलाती रही तेरी याद

ईद में चाँद बन खुशियाँ लुटती रही तेरी याद
च्रिस्त्मस में संता बन तोहफे बांटी रही तेरी याद

थक गया तो दिल बहलाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद
चोट खाई तो सहलाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद

रूठ गया तो मनाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद
गिर गया तो उठाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद

सोने चला तो लोरी सुनाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद
रोने लगा तो हँसाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद

जीत गया तो जश्न मनाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद
हार गया तो समझाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद

महफ़िल में रौनक बन छा जाती रही तेरी याद
तन्हाई में साथ निभाने आ जाती रही तेरी याद

मेरे हर ज़र्रा -ओ -कतरे में बसी हुई हुई तेरी याद
मेरी ग़ज़ल से रूह तक उतर रही है तेरी याद

मौत के बाद भी "खाक " से न जुदा होगी तेरी याद
ख्श्बू बन हर तरफ फिजा में महका करेगी तेरी याद

"शायरी-वायरी"॰॰॰ कहने को बस चंद पंक्तिया, पर अपने आप में ना जाने कितनी गहराईयों को छुपाये हुये हैं। शेरो-शायरी को देखने का नज़रिया लोगों का भले ही कुछ भी हो पर ये लिखने वाले के दिल की वो छटपटाहट होती है जिसे वो रात-दिन महसुस करता है। और यही बेचैनी जब शब्दों का रूप ले के उसके कलम से निकलती है तो पढने वाले के दिल को भी झकझोर जाती है और छोड जाती है अपने पीछे कई सवाल जिनके जावाब ॰॰॰॰ शायद कहीं नही होते॰॰॰॰

ऐसा ही १ सवाल है मेरे पास कौन मेरा साथ निभायेगा ???

ढूंढती थी कि कौन मेरा साथ निभायेगा साये की तरह
सोचती थी कि कौन मेरे जज्बातों को समझेगा यहाँ
पर जब खयाल आया उनका जिन्होने हमे कभी अकेला नही छोडा
तो लगा इन ' तन्हाइयों ' से अच्छा साथी मुझे मिलेगा कहाँ???

शिप्रा मिश्रा