Cool Jokes Collection

एक डॉक्टर के क्लिनिक के बाहर मरीजों की भीड लगी थी. जब कोइ आदमी आगे जाता, उसे लोग पकड के पीछे खींच लेते. एक आदमी कई बार आगे जाने की कोशिश किया पर उसे भी लोगों ने पीछे खींच लिया. 5-6 बार पीछे खींचे जाने के बाद वो आदमी चिल्लाया, सालों...लगे रहो लाईन में.....मै आज भी क्लिनिक नहीं खोलुंगा ।

After 3 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,

He told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him,laughed and asked him to sit down saying; My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?

Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?

Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?

Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral: NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

रोक दो मेरे ज़नाजे को,मेरी जान आ गयी है
पिछे मुडकर देखो जरा, दारू की दुकान आ गयी है
बोतल छुपा दो कफन मे मेरे, कब्र मे लेटा पिया करुँगा
जब मांगेगा हिसाब खुदा तो, जाम बना कर दिया करुँगा।

पूछ लो तुम भी इस ज़माने से ,

उनकी याद मे

आज मै बहुत ही खुस हूँ क्योंकि मै गूगल मे "Deepak Joke" और "पूजा इलाहाबादी" keword से १ स्थान पर आ गया हूँ सो आज मन कर रह है कि कुछ लिख दूँ उनकी याद मे

प्यार कमजोर दिल से किया नही जा सकता ,
जहर दुश्मन से लिया नही जा सकता ,
दिल मे बसी है उल्फत जिस प्यार कि ,
उसके बिना जिया नही जा सकता

साथ रहते रहते ही वक़्त गुजर जाएगा ,
दूर होने के बाद कौन किसे याद आएगा ,
जी लो ये पल जब हम साथ है ,
कल क्या पता वक़्त कहा ले जाएगा

Love Messages

You tripped me, so I fell for you.

You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind,

you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always...

You know what, in the whole world there is no such darling whom I love and I want the whole world to know that I will never forget you!

You can fall from the sky, you can fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is in love with me.

You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean, and the beat in my heart.

You are like the sunshine so warm, you are like sugar, so sweet... you are like you... and that's the reason why I love you!

You are always in my heart, here and everywhere, There is no one in the whole world that makes me feel this way.

Words however special... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart. xXx

Words alone will never be able to express the depth of my love for you.

Without your LOVE, dayz are "Saddy, Moanday,Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Frightday, Shatterday".

If ever in your life U R very sad & lonely & feel that U have lostevery thing, I will come, Hold your hand, take U 4 Walk on a Bridge &Show U where 2 jump From !!!…**************************************************************
Bottle main Pepsi say zyaada….used Socks main smell say bhi zyaadaa…. Adnan Sami main charbi say zyaada… Mithai main sweetsay zyaada…Pakistan main coruption say zzyaada… I LOV U
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Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be one heart that would always beat for you You know Whose???your Own Stupid!!!*************************************************************
Har koi pyar ke liye tarapta hai,Har koi pyar ke liye rota hai,mere pyar ko galat mat samajna,pyar to dosti mein bhi hota hai.
*************************************************************
Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai,to kya hua….Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai!
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TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,PEPSI ka cr8 ho,ANDE ka oml8 ho,SMS KARNE ME bare le8 ho,JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho…!
*************************************************************
Safed rang ho agar mehboob ka ,toh mohabbat ki detergent khusbudar nazar aati hai,na koi aur hota kharid-dar SURF-EXCEL KA,aur na dhulai RIN-SUPREME ki kam nazar aati hai…!*************************************************************
jawani ke din chamkile ho gayeaur husn ke tewar nukile ho gayehum izhaar karne me thode dhiile ho gayeaur unke haath peele ho gaye
************************************************************
Teri aankain jhuki jhukitera chehra khila khilajab tere chehre per haath ghumayato aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
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Umeedo ki manzil toot gayiaankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayiare tumahri bhi kya izaat reh gayijab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi
***********************************************************
Kabhi honsla bhi aazmaana chahiyebure waqt mein muskurana chahiyejab 10 dino mein khujli na miteto 11 ve din nahana chahiye
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Child : - Mohit uncle mujhe na Bandar dekhna haiMohit : - Beta vo abhi SMS padh raha hai.
**************************************************************
Jis mehfil mein hum khade ho jaayewaha Haritik bhi jhukta haiKaho Na Pyaar HaiKya mooh dukhta hai
************************************************************
Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tum
waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum
Doob kar jisme marr jayu vo River ho tum
Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum…
************************************************************
When u feel sad….
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
“damn I am really so cute” u will overcome your sadness.
But don’t make this a habit…..
Coz liars go to hell !!!!
************************************************************
.-”’-.,.-”‘-. +
( ! SWEET ! *
+ “. DREAMS .” (
* . “‘-.,.-’” + .

tum kaho to dil de du, jaan de du, tum kah do to dhadkan bhi de du, kyonki in sab ki cd mere pass hai.

Log milte hai evry time pasand ate hai sum time
pyar hota hai one time jo reheta hai lif time

jab tumhara name zuban pare ata hai pata nahi dil kyun muskurata hai tassally hoti hai man ko koi to hai jo is kadar yad ata hai

Lamha lamha waqt guzar jayega,
7 fero ke sath
koi aap ko baand jayega
abhi bhi waqt hai kisi se affair kar lo,
kya pata kal kaunsa cartoon apko sop diya jayega

Jiss k pass kuch nahi uss pe duniya hasti hai
Jiss k pass sab kuch hai uss se duniya jalti hai
Hamare paas app ki dosti hai
Jisse pane k liye duniya tarasti hai

phuloon ki tareef sab karte hain, badi muskil se log kanton pe gaur karte hain, mali to sirf naam ke hote hain, phukon ki hifazat to kante hi karte hai…

Pooch Lo Tum Bhi Iss Zamaane Se,
Pyaar Chhupta Nahin Chhupane Se
Paas Aate Ho Choote Ho Baat Karte Ho,
Kabhi Matlab Se Kabhi Bahane Se
Pyar Dil Mein Hai To Laao Zabaan Pe,
Aag Badhti Hai Ye Bujhane Se.
Tumhein Na Paana Shayad Behtar Hai,
Paa Ke Phir Se Tumhein Ganwane Se.
Chalo Ek Dua To Apni Poori Huye,
Mil Liye Apne Ek Deewane Se.
Roye Jaate Ho, Bas Roye Jate Ho,
Kya Hoga Ye Dhan Lutane se

In 24 Hours Average Human :

1) HEART beats 1,03,689 times.

2) LUNGS respire 23,045 times.

3) BLOOD flows 16,80,000 miles.

4) NAILS grow 0.00007 inches

5) HAIR grows 0.01715 inches

6) Take 2.9 pounds WATER (including all liquids)

7) Take of 3.25 pounds FOOD .

8) Breathe 438 cubic feet AIR .

9) Lose 85.60, BODY TEMPERATURE .

10) Produce 1.43 pints SWEAT .

11) Speak 4,800 WORDS.

12) During SLEEP move 25.4 time s

There have been a number of events known as "Black Fridays" in history. Usually, these events are devastating.
Some historians propose that the origin of the "Black Friday" was the simultaneous arrest of hundreds of Knights Templars on October 13, 1307 (Friday), to be later tortured into "admitting" heresy.
Today, the concept of Friday the 13th has been extended through the 'black Friday' concept to incorporate anything really bad that happens on a Friday. In history there have been a number of events that happened on a Friday and are known as Black Friday:
Black Friday (1869), a financial crisis in the United States
Black Friday (1889), the day of the Johnstown Flood.
Black Friday (1910), WSPU took militant action when the Conciliation Bill failed.
Black Friday (1919), a riot in Glasgow stemming from industrial unrest
Black Friday (1921), day on which British dockers' and railwaymen's union leaders announced their decision not to call for strike action against wage reductions for miners
Black Friday (1929), a stock market crash in the United States
Black Friday (1939), a day of devastating fires in Australia
Black Friday (1945), largest air battle over Norway, over Sunnfjord
Hollywood Black Friday (1945), the day the six-month-old Confederation of Studio Unions (CSU) strike boiled over into a bloody riot at the Warner Bros. studios leading to the eventual breakup of the CSU.
Black Friday (1978), a massacre of protesters in Iran
Black Friday (1982), known in Britain after Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands, sparking the Falklands War
Black Friday (1987), the day an hour-long F4 category tornado ran through the city of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Black Friday (2004), a crackdown on a peaceful protest in the capital city of Maldives, Malé
The infamous day in history, when the Knights Templer were rounded up, arrested, and charged with heresy by the King of France.
Other uses of the term include:
Black Friday, a name used for any Friday which falls on the 13th of a month
Black Friday, the Friday preceding Easter, also known as Good Friday or God Friday.
Black Friday (shopping), the day after Thanksgiving Day in the United States, the first shopping day of the Christmas season and one of the busiest shopping days of the year
"Black Friday" is the name given to the last Friday before Christmas in the United Kingdom. It is a day when widespread anti-social behaviour due to public alcohol consumption is expected to occur, and police are given additional powers to combat it
King Philip IVOn Friday, October 13, 1307, hundreds of Knights Templar in France were simultaneously arrested by agents of King Philip, later to be tortured into admitting heresy in the Order. Over 100 charges were issued against them, the majority of them identical charges to what had been earlier issued against the inconvenient Pope Boniface VIII. The dominant view is that Philip, who seized the treasury and broke up the monastic banking system, was jealous of the Templars' wealth and power, frustrated by his debt to them, and sought to control their financial resources for himself, by bringing blatantly false information against them at the Tours assembly in 1308; it is also likely that, under the influence of his advisors, he actually believed many of the false charges to be true.
These events, and the Templars' original banking of assets for suddenly mobile depositors, were two of many shifts towards a system of military fiat back to European money, removing this power from Church orders. Seeing the fate of the Templars, the Hospitallers of St John of Jerusalem and of Rhodes and of Malta were also convinced to give up banking at this time. Much of the Templar property outside of France was transferred by the Pope to the Knights Hospitaller, and many surviving Templars were also accepted into the Hospitallers.
In conclusion Friday The 13 is a bad day because it was caused by the Roman Catholic Church or Catholic Church and Pope Benedict XI

Ager 2 Dil Hotey Seeney Main
To Aik Main Sirf Tu he Tu Hoti
Aur Dusrey Main Terey Liye Meri Mohabbat

Ager 2 Dimaag Hotey Mere Sir Main
To Aik Main Sirf Teri Tasweer Hoti
Aur Dusrey Main Tera Tasawur

Ager 2 Zabaan Hoti Mere Mu (mouth) Main
To Aik Pe Sirf Tera Ziker Hota
Aur Dusrey Se Tera Naam Jhapta

Kaash Kabhi Aisa Bhi Hota Ke
Tu Bhi 2 Hoti Jo Aik Ager Inkaar Kardet
“Kabhi kabhi un raston par
jin par kabhi ham aur tum
chalty thy tham kar haat aik dojey ka
muhabbat ki ham kahty thy qasam
kay na hon gay juda aik dojey say kabhi
tum mujhy aur main tumhay dilaty thy yaqeen
ye rasta jo tha na kabhi kahatm honey wala
muhabbat khloos aur yagangat wala
woh jo aik peerd tha borey bargad ka
usi kay seeney may raaz tha hamari muhabbat ka
usi ki chaon may beth kar tumney
yaqeen dilaya tha apni muhabbat ka
ab kabhi un rastoon par jata hon
to yaad aaty hain woh beety huway pal
woh darakht pochtyhain tumhara
kehty hain kya aie ho mil kar
ab un ko main kya sunaon apni dastan
ye rasta tha aagay doraha
aik par main kahri reh gai akyli
dosrey par chala gaya woh haat chura kar

kash in hasinao ke baap mar jate,
kash in hasinao ke baap mar jate,
bahana gham ka hota, hum inke ghar to aate.
Ladki boli:
Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga,
Bewkoof, Yeh bolana bhi paap hoga,
kisi din tu bhi kisi hasina ka baap

Bewafa sanam se to cigarette achhi hai,
Bewafa sanam se to cigarette achhi hai,
Dil jalati hai, par hoto se to lagti hai.

Aati thi+jati thi
hasti thi+hasati thi
khelti thi+khilati thi
dekhti thi+muskurati thi
aaj pata chala .............
Ladki pagal thi

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